Sunday, February 2, 2014

Never Have I Ever


Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date
Katie Heaney

I hate this game, Never Have I Ever, because I've never really done anything that's worthy of putting your finger down. I think games like this are so stupid because all it really is is a few minutes to brag about how slutty you are. And now I sound like Katie Heaney. 
I honestly couldn't wait until this book was over. The last few chapters I'm not even sure if I read because I just skimmed through them because she was getting so ridiculous. I hated the beginning of this book, too. Honestly the only part of this book that I enjoyed was the part when she was in High School. I guess because she was exactly like I was in High School. She didn't really have many specific friends, more like people she hung out with and she never went to parties or was really popular. She never had a boyfriend, she just fantasized about boys who wouldn't even know who she was if she was standing in front of them. But then, she went to college, made out with one boy, and continued on her day dream train. I realize that I was in the day dream state for much longer than I should've been, but this girl is still in it. (I guess I shouldn't say that about myself, because we all know about my last few obsessions, okay I'm a hypocrite...)
While I like Katie, she's just that friend that talks a lot about nothing, you know those people. I know what you're thinking... That I do the same thing, it's just annoying when someone else is doing it. 
What I didn't understand is that she had a "cabinet", which I thought was a very clever way of describing how she gathers her friends around when she needs help making a decision. But really, if she called and asked me these stupid questions I would be like "this isn't even a problem, Katie", he's not your boyfriend, get over it. 
And why is she always crying? I totally get the whole crying over someone who broke your heart, I'm not as callous as everyone thinks. But she takes it to a new level. There was one part where Katie cried after a guy invited her to hang out and then she learned that he had a girlfriend. SHE ACTUALLY SAT IN HER BATHROOM SINK AND CRIED ABOUT THIS. I think that's overkill. I can understand perfectly if you date someone for two years and they cheat on you, sure, cry about that for days, weeks, whatever. I'm not saying that you should let it ruin your life and you should stay in bed and stop eating, but stuff like that is supposed to hurt. 
I think everyone has a friend like Katie, and for most of you, it's probably me. I hope that I've gotten better about my annoying stories about boys. I try not to talk too much about my personal life. Of course, like last year when I was obsessed with my boss, you all knew about it. Pretty much every time he walked in front of me, you'd know it. And in a way, I sort of miss being like that. Cause that's how I was in high school, when I still thought that life would be like Say Anything and 16 Candles. Now I don't even want that. I'm anti-romantic gestures. Except for flowers, how do girls not like flowers? Sure, they die, but whatever, they're awesome. 
I have one friend who is one of those people who will say something and then won't tell you any details. Not like you really care what they have to say, but why would you do this. Example:
Friend: "I'm having this issue with a boy I met"
Me: "Ohh, really? What's going on"
Friend: "I don't want to talk about it"
THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU BRING IT UP?

Katie is not one of these people. She'll tell you every detail of something. She even wrote passages from her diary when she was 15. No one needs to see that. Mostly because the journal from my sophmore year was essentially "I FUCKING HATE MOM. WHY IS SHE SUCH A BITCH. I DON'T WANT TO CLEAN MY FUCKING ROOM. I HATEEEEEEEEE MMMMMYYYY MMMMMOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM"  and "Leland looked so hot today. He walked by me and looked in my general direction. We're soul mates"

This post has no direction. Overall, I was disappointed. I thought that I would be able to relate to Katie's status of never having a boyfriend, but she's not cynical, so I can't. She's optimistic about it. That's not me. She also was very, very eager to have her first kiss. She initiated it because she wanted it to happen. And she was drunk, that sucks. I had two cans of Coors Light (ew, by the way, but this was before I was a beer snob) and I had no idea it was coming. I guess I should've known, but I was obviously very naive. I also never told ANYONE. I don't understand why I was so withholding about all of that the first few years I discovered what boys were. I never told anyone about anything I did. Literally, anyone. Now I tell everyone. I'm sorry guys, I bet you miss the old me. 
 I can relate more to "You'll Never Blue Ball in this Town Again" because our experiences are more similar. Maybe I'll write a book. It'll be a tell-all and I can write about how embarrassing everything that ever happened was and how I'm heartless, yet at the same time, super nice and I would never hurt anyone if I really cared about them. Karma is a bitch, though. Look at my life.    

Anyway, moral of the story, you should read this book if you want to have a few laughs. Or you really should just read the part about her high school years. Ne

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